How To Be In A Relationship After Being Single For A Long Time

You suddenly have all of this extra free time, and you’ve probably spent most of it in your apartment trying to distract yourself by marathoning as many true crime documentaries as you possibly can. (I was just in this phase myself, and if you’re also in this phase right now, I feel you and I’m sorry!) And unfortunately, the only way to make it suck less is to wait for time to do its thing. How much time you need depends on a whole concoction of factors like how long you were together, how strong your feelings were for them, and how the breakup actually went down. In the meantime, know that it’s completely OK to be sad for as long as you need to be, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, eventually it will hurt less and you’ll find yourself moving on.

Has anything made you feel compelled to end your dry spell? Did you feel jealous after your ex soft-launched their new partner on Instagram? Did your best friend get into a relationship and make you panic about being ‘left behind’? It could be worth interrogating whether you really want to start dating again or whether you’re doing so just because other people are. You want to actively have a better social and dating life sooner rather than later. I am not stating that the new women you meet will be long-term relationships from the start.

Take our test to discover your weak spots and what to do to shore them up and protect your wellbeing. If you dream of more restful nights, take our test to find out what is getting in the way of a good night’s sleep, and what steps to take in order to fix it. One example is conflict styles – does the other person sulk, or can they make a relaxed comment about a different point of view? It might be helpful to know that, on average, one in ten first dates leads to a second date. It’s an adventure filled with unexpected twists and turns, surprises and sometimes disappointments. Instead of worrying about where each date might lead, focus on enjoying the moment.

This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. My coaching is practical, real-world and focused on lasting behavioural change. Also, you already have a commonality with your mutual friend as a subject of discussion. Therefore take the time to ask your friends if they know any single women you may be compatible with.

While it’s good to know what you want, it’s also important not to set unrealistic expectations. Listening shows that you respect and value the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences. By rushing things, I was not giving myself the time to truly get to know the people I was dating. You’re not the same person you were when you last dated, and that’s perfectly okay.

Your dating strategies have to change to adjust to these differences. Since you don’t have as much free time, you’ll have to be more intentional in your search for love. With the right mindset and purposeful action, you can make it fun and effective. It’s an opportunity to meet new people, discover new perspectives, and learn more about yourself.

Dating after a long period of being single can feel like stepping into a whole new world. Getting back in the saddle isn’t about reinventing yourself or trying to be something you’re not. But when you’re finally feeling ready—excited even—to get back out there and explore your options, these pointers can make the transition feel a little more natural (and a lot less scary).

Be proactive in initiating conversations with matches who intrigue you, and be open to exploring different avenues for meeting potential partners. For anyone who does not feel ready to start dating and wants help in processing that period of their life, I recommend doing a meditation practice. Having the ability to clear negative emotions will help regain your emotional control and create a healthy mindset. As your dating coach, I want to guide you through the process of getting back into dating after a period of inactivity, be it due to a breakup, personal reasons, or any other circumstances. Reentering the dating scene can be a challenging and sometimes overwhelming experience, but with the right mindset and approach, it can also be an exciting and fulfilling journey. Ask yourself questions to get to the bottom of your newfound urge to dive back into the dating pool.

You may discover that they’ll be more than willing to give you what you desire. Having someone by your side to navigate those challenges together is one of the benefits of being in a relationship. Don’t iron out conflicts because you’re afraid you’ll scare someone away. Dating multiple people is the way to move through the dating process. Many people jump into a commitment ASAP and date for three to nine months before figuring out someone is not an ideal match or the kind of person they had hoped for.

Should I Start Dating Again After Being Single For A Long Time?

Instead of burying these experiences, I chose to learn from them. You’re trying something new and stepping out of your comfort zone. Ask follow-up questions, show empathy and give responses that show you’re engaged in the conversation. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of being a good listener when you’re dating. Instead of trying to force connections, I let them develop naturally. There isn’t a finish line that you need to cross within a certain timeframe.

Because at the end of the day, dating isn’t as much about finding the right person as it is about becoming the right person. It’s about stepping out of your comfort zone, embracing change, and learning to navigate the intricate dance of connection. Dating, especially after a long period of being single, is a journey filled with self-discovery, growth, and potentially love. Because at the end of the day, dating isn’t just about finding a partner.

John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men’s Health. There are 16 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

You might find, like many people have, that this sets the perfect stage for love. Relationships may look very different today than the last time you were searching for one. Many couples have begun to explore nonmonogamy and other partnership structures, and the notion of sexuality as a spectrum has also changed the nature of relationships. There’s only one way to find out who someone is and what they’re looking for. People date for all kinds of reasons, but you’ll benefit from having a clear idea of what you want—and what you’re ready for. “If you’re dating to fill loneliness, that’s a red flag that it’s too soon,” White says.

If you’ve met someone you’re interested in, it’s a good idea to be frank and let them know that you’ve been out of the game for a little while. You don’t have to make it a big deal – it isn’t a big deal! “There are few substitutes for clear, honest, and open communication,” Dr McKeever says. Are you looking to explore your sexuality with similarly open-minded people?

Use them as a guide to make better decisions in your dating life. Every journey begins with a single step, and you’ve already taken that step by deciding to date again. It helps build understanding, trust, and connection – key elements of a successful relationship.

Learn about different types of friendships and why they matter throughout our lives. But after a while, Amanda realized she hadn’t really prepared for reentry into a more complex dating scene than she remembered. “After a few situationships, none of them particularly healthy, I realized the common denominator was me—and I had to do some work on myself,” she says. Orna and Matthew Walters have been soulmate coaches for over a decade and helped thousands of readers create long-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their ebook, Recognizing Mr. Right, along with a guided program on self-acceptance from their website. Love is available to you, no matter how long of a break you take from dating.

It’s no wonder, then, that keeping the small talk going with someone completely new can be uncomfortable. It’s tempting to tally up all your ex’s pros and cons and weigh them against your next potential partner. Well, this person looks like my ex, but they’re not quite as tall. Or, They’re ambitious like my ex, but don’t seem as far along in their career.

In my head, I focused much more on things I had done wrong, ways I wish I had treated someone differently or things I would take back, if I could. That said, sometimes after a period of singledom, you might feel like you want to (and are ready to) enter a relationship again. It can be nice to start to look forward to a new love after a period of being happily by yourself. For many people, including Amanda, finding love takes time, energy, and patience. After her year off, she tried dating again and discovered that the work she’d put in was paying off.

The old cliché that you find someone when you’re least looking is, in my experience, very true. I met my husband after I quit my job to travel the world full-time, was happy, in my element, and not even thinking about being with someone. Focusing on myself — what I liked, what made me look forward to the future, what I wanted — made a huge difference in opening space for love to come into my life. Finding a therapist you connect with can be crucial as you navigate the highs and lows of dating. It’s important to find someone you trust, who also has the skills and experience needed to address your needs. Search our directory for a licensed provider; if you don’t know where to start, learn how to find a therapist.

As you jump back into the dating game, remember that rejection can actually be a good thing, so there’s no need to fear it. “Most of the angst Amour Factory around dating is the fear of rejection because we think it’s an indicator of something being wrong with ourselves but that indicator is misattributed,” explains Dr. Del Rosario. “Rejection is just protection from what is not meant or good for you.” We all suffer with stress from time to time, but when you get triggered, what’s the first thing to go?

Plus, every person you meet knows other people you haven’t met yet. They create a profile like they’re donating blood — go in, get it done, and don’t think about it again. In her latest column, Anna Williamson explores how to evaluate your relationship and decide if it’s time to call it quits.

• Be proactive in initiating conversations with matches who intrigue you, and be open to exploring different avenues for meeting potential partners.
• The more specific you can be with your dating goal, the easier it will be to implement some of the other lessons from this article.
• Since you don’t have as much free time, you’ll have to be more intentional in your search for love.

You may feel out of your comfort zone initially, but that’s where growth happens. Acknowledge the changes in yourself and the dating world around you. It’s like riding a bike – except the bike is on fire, the road is on fire, and everything’s on fire because dating can feel like navigating through a minefield. Dating can be a daunting prospect, especially if you’ve been flying solo for a while. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.

Spending time with someone like this will allow you to learn from that person as a role model. You will also get more dates in your diary where you are going out and actively meeting new people. Very simply, you log online, type in singles holidays and find somewhere in the world that you have always wanted to visit. In doing this, you are cementing something in your diary where you get to go on holiday with the potential of meeting other people. So speed dating is a great way of meeting women and meeting a potential new friendship group.

Don’t Feel Compelled To Use Apps

“First dates can be really nerve-wracking, and you might not feel like yourself in those moments,” Reyes says. To avoid drawing a complete blank, it can be helpful to come up with a few topics and questions for the person you’re seeing, by either making a mental list or jotting them down on your notes app. The goal isn’t to grill your date like it’s a formal interview. Actually, this list is for you—to discover what you genuinely want to know and prioritize for your next potential romance or fling, she says. Let friends, family, and colleagues know you’re interested in meeting new people. Attend social gatherings, parties, and events where you can interact with diverse groups.

Learn how to take care of yourself when you get on the apps. If you’re looking to keep (or bring back) the spark in your relationship, it may be time to get on the apps. Another dating myth is that intangible force known as “the spark.” The idea that a magical jolt is the only way to know you’ve found your person is more a product of pop culture than reality.

Compersion is term used to describe taking joy in another person’s happiness. Attachment styles help explain the way people feel and act in relationships. Learn more about how early childhood caregiving impacts the rest of our lives.

To make an already unnerving situation a little less intimidating, stick to what you’re already comfortable with. “If you’re a foodie, go out to eat at the restaurants you would recommend to a friend,” Reyes suggests. Or, if bookstores are your happy place, maybe sip tea in the cozy cafe inside Barnes & Noble (or an indie shop you love) and chat in the fiction aisle together. Being somewhere familiar can help you feel safer and more at ease during what’s probably a new and uncertain experience, she adds. Once you’ve made it past the initial sad stage, you’ll start to transition into phase two. Some people swear by the whole, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” mantra, so if a rebound hookup is up next for you, totally fine!

Once you’re ready to get back into dating after a long term relationship or dating dry spell, follow these six tips to confidently start dating again. According to Dr. Del Rosario, there is not a standard amount of time to wait before dating again. The right time will be different for everyone and it depends on the situation.

Follow this guidance to set and maintain healthy boundaries with everyone in your life. The three-month rule sets a timeline for committing to a new partner or breaking up. Find out if this really works—and how it can affect your mindset. Friendship plays a key role in physical, mental, and emotional health.

It’s normal to default to topics like the weather or their weekend plans (especially if you’re nervous), but if small talk doesn’t feel natural to you, Reyes suggests skipping it. “You really want to go in there feeling like you’re being genuine, like you’re being yourself, because you want to attract the kind of person that likes the real you,” Reyes adds. Signing up for dating apps with the sole purpose of making your ex jealous, say, or to avoid sleeping alone might not be the best idea.